their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
