i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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