Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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