His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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