A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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