Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
