Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
