my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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