he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
