Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
