its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
