well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
