I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
