....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
