I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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