when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
