The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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