when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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