one might say we're banned from that church
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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