walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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