Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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