I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
