If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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