A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
