The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
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My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
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I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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