So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
