Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
