I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
