yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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