it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
