You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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