DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
