Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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