her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
