highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
