My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
