I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
