This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
