I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
