miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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