is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
