Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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