Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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