At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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