Just fell off a train. Bad.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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