I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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