No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
