A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
