If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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