I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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