At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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