it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
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remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
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Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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