Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
