So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
