so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
