If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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