Cold hands, warm shart.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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