I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
