i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
