i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
