i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
