we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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