It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
