she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
