You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
