yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
