Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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