When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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