i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
