My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
