Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
