I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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