why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
