It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
