I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
