opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
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I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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