your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
