Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
