I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
