I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
