I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
